Entry for Prompts “For the Promptless” – Ep. 10
Saudade is a Portuguese word that describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for an absent something/someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing will never return.
I returned to school for my master’s degree after I received my B.S. 15yrs ago. I did not walk in that graduation ceremony; therefore, I was not going to walk in this upcoming ceremony. My daughter convinced me to walk since I put so much time and effort in completing this degree…2yrs of hard work.
My Saudade is the feeling of sadness due to my father inability to witness this milestone in my life. You see, my father was an educator. He was a well-loved and highly respected professor and chair of his anthropology department at his university. He was happy that I obtained my B.S., but even though he kept going until he got his Ph.D. he never pressured me to go further, because he wasn’t the type to push his desires on to me. Since I didn’t walk in that ceremony, he didn’t get to see his only child get that piece of paper.
I know that he would be proud of me had he stayed around long enough to see this goal achieved. My father committed suicide in 2007 while going through a long period of depression and insomnia. He was my “guy”, that person with whom I shared my experiences (good, bad, ugly). Believe me, I’ve made some doozy of mistakes in my life, but he never judged me. He loved me unconditionally and I miss him terribly.